I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
