my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize