Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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