Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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