Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
