I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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