Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
