Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
