she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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