I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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