I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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