Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
