So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
