Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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