Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize