Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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