So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize