Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
