i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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