I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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