I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize