apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
