brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
