He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
