I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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