dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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