can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We are two peas in an std pod
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
