Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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