he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize