I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
