....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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