I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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