Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
