You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
