I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
