if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
