his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
