Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
