Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
