Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My nipple is on Facebook.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
