If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
thus making me awesome and them whores
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Someone signed my nipple.
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