I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
