So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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