I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
