Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He better not be in your backpack
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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