Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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