its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
