you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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