You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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