Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
