eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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