he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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