textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
