Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
