I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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