A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
