Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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