I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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