I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
