he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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