i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
