I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
